Tags
72 Dolphins, fathering, Let the wookie win, Loser, losing, participation trophy society, Wii, winning
…your ability. In anything really. Your job, your relationship, your faith. Something happens that makes you wonder “am I doing a good job?”.
This very thing happened to me earlier this week and it has been sticking in my head ever since. What happened seemed innocent enough, it was the response to it that has me wondering if I had done something wrong as a parent (father).
As I just said, it started innocently enough. The little guy and I were playing on the Wii (the original, we’re old school and still play our Original system) even playing Wii Sport, the game that came with it, featuring Bowling, Tennis, Baseball, Golf and Boxing. Our little guy has gotten VERY good at all the different games, especially Baseball and Tennis. So we played Baseball first and slaughtered me. In celebration he literally ran circles around me, yelling “Yes”. I thought it was pretty funny actually.
We changed games to tennis. Now remember I said he was good at the games. I had never beaten him in a best of five match. I honestly don’t think it’s the ‘let the wookie win’ thing either. Well that night my Mii got a lot of breaks and I won, three to one. I didn’t yell, scream or run around the room. I just said ‘I can’t believe I won. That’s the first time I have ever beat him at this.’
This is where it comes apart. He throws the controller on the couch and runs into his bedroom crying. HARD. New mom looks at me with that look. All dads know ‘that’ look and I go to talk about this with the little guy. As I am walking in I cries ‘I’m a loser’ and was yelling at me to ‘go away’. This is where I am questioning our teaching him about winning and losing. What values have I placed on winning? Have I failed by not teaching him about being a gracious winner and not being a sore loser? Have I not let him know that losing is not the end, but the beginning of a learning opportunity? In that moment, I honestly felt like I lost as well.
A lot has been said and written about this ‘participation trophy’ generation. This ‘everyone’s a winner’ mentality. This ‘we don’t want to harm our child’s self esteem’ culture our kids are living. I feel like I just saw the worst of that mentality and school of thought. Are we and am I raising a child that is not equipped to handle losing? Losing is a part of life, no one wins every time (except maybe the ’72 Dolphins). I am very, very concerned all of a sudden about his inability to handle losing as well as my perceived failure of teaching this valuable lesson.
I am NOT writing this for people to tell me “oh, you’re a good father” or “you are doing an excellent job”. I already think that new mom and I are doing a good job. This is just one of those eye-opening moments that really make you question if you really are or not. I am writing this as a lesson to myself and others that we need to let our children know that there are winners and there are losers, and losing a match, game, race does not make you a ‘Loser’, it is just a learning opportunity and what you do with that opportunity will define who you are.